


Missing You

by ilyoon



Category: IZONE, Produce 48 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Hint!One-sided YujinXYena, Hint!SianXEunbi, Kaeun’s POV, Most of the charas are merely mentioned, Moving On, top20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 19:59:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15870705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyoon/pseuds/ilyoon
Summary: heartbreak can be painful.very painful.(kaeun’s pov)





	Missing You

her name is sakura, miyawaki sakura.

i have loved her for so long, and we _dated_ for nearly 3 years.

i still remembered the time she broke up with me, her eyes were red and teary, her voice was weak, and her words kept on stuttering. it was a mess, it wasn’t exactly a good day for me nor sakura.

i hugged her for so long at that time, even to this day i still don’t know why exactly she broke up with me. 

it pains me so much, but it was also my fault.

i said it was okay, i said we’ll be alright, i said we still can be close friends.

but honestly, i still want her. i still _need_ her.

i sigh as i look up, the sun is bright, i grab the cap beside my notebook on the grass. school has been stressing me out, i turn my head to see some of my classmates playing soccer on the field.

these days i feel kinda lonely, my roommate kwon eunbi has been helping her girlfriend, sian, with a project, my sweet dongsaeng yena also has been busy with her extra classes.

no one has time for me nowadays, honestly lonely times like these make me longing after sakura so much.

but do i always have to remind myself that sakura is happy with someone else now..

i put my palm over my bangs, slowly messing with it as i stare at the two familiar figures.

sakura, and her girlfriend lee chaeyeon.

it’s been a while since the last time i see those two together, i snort, i mean..i did switch my schedules to avoid meeting those two on college ground.

chaeyeon has her hand over sakura’s shoulder, while the latter was holding an ice cream as she laughs at something chaeyeon said.

it was a really typical scenes between the two, whenever the two walk together, side by side, chaeyeon always make sure everyone knows that sakura is hers by always holding the beautiful girl exactly beside her. i know because this honestly isn’t the first time i see such a sight, there are times when i sat near the window in my classes and i can see the two walking together. 

it’s a bitter sight to see but i can’t deny the fact it’s actually a lovely sight too, the way chaeyeon always protectively hold sakura beside her and the way sakura always smiles so kindly at the renowned dancer, i can’t ever see them as a bad couple.

but to be frank,

i’m quite jealous.

i’m jealous at the fact those beautiful smiles aren’t for me any longer, i’m jealous at the fact i can’t hold sakura like i used to, i’m jealous at the fact i can’t be the reason of sakura’s happiness any longer either.

i make a bitter expression as i pull my cap down to hide my face when sakura and chaeyeon are about to walk pass me.

“that movie definitely has to be the movie of the year!”

“geez, calm down chaeyeon!”

ah, so they’re talking about a movie..hmm i wonder what kind of movie.

i move my cap a little bit to see the couple again, i smile bitterly, now chaeyeon has her head against sakura’s shoulder.

i turn my face back to my notebook that still on the ground.

“they seem happy,” i chuckle “perhaps too happy.”

 

* * *

  

“kaeun unnie!” i smile when i see the familiar face running toward my lunch table.

“yena-ah!” i call out her name too.

i open my arms wide, yena who sees that start to run even faster.

“i miss you!” she says as she quickly hug me tight, i chuckle at that, _such a kid_.

“how have you been?” i ask while letting the shorter girl sit beside me.

“ugh,” yena pouts as she put her head on my shoulder “classes have been stressing me out, my grades getting lower lately, and i miss playing video games with yuri and juri!”

i snicker at that “i’m sure yuri and juri just as busy.”

“exactly! nowadays they barely have time for me, even my damn roommate ahn yujin is too busy having study dates with that cutesy underclassman!” yena scowls at me.

“you mean jang wonyoung?” i say purposely.

“yah! don’t say that name!” yena responds quickly “i don’t like that girl!”

i chuckle at the childish acts.

“anyway,” yena finally stops to show a serious expression “enough about me. how are you? by the look on your face, you seem not very good.”

“what do you mean?”

the younger girl snorts “don’t play dumb with me, unnie. maybe you’re smiling right now, but i know you better than that.”

“hmm,” maybe i need to be honest “i saw them.”

yena raises her eyebrow “pardon?”

“i saw sakura and chaeyeon today.”

yena who hears that merely sight “so, it’s still because of _that girl_.”

“have some manners, choi yena! that girl is your senior as well!” i don’t know exactly why i defend sakura, but hearing such tones coming out from yena’s mouth about sakura makes me kinda mad.

“kaeun unnie,” yena starts again “are you seriously not over sakura unnie? it’s been years. forget about her, find someone new. nothing will benefit you if you keep acting like this.” i see her sighing “don’t you know how happy she is with chaeyeon unnie? when you’re moping with sadness, sakura unnie is laughing happily with her.”

yena gives me a sad smile before she grabs both of my hands.

“unnie please, you need to move on. it’s hard i know, just like i tried to move on from yujin,”

“yena..”

“i know this is not about me, but you need to know, you just gonna hurt yourself even more if you keep being like this.” yena continues “you have to accept that sakura unnie doesn’t love you anymore. you have to accept she loves someone else now. like i accept the fact ahn yujin loves that _kid_.”

i honestly don’t know what to say, i know yena been in pain as well. but i..

“i want you to be happy too, unnie. i want you to be happy as much as sakura unnie. i want to see that free genuine smile again, after the two of you broke up, all i see is your forced smile. and i can’t even blame it to sakura unnie because i know it’s your choice as well to let go of her.”

 

* * *

  

yena is right.

sakura might had been the one breaking up with me. and i might not know why she broke up with me.

but i accept that fact a long time ago.

i didn’t run after her.

i didn’t do anything to get her back.

i just..let her go.

but why,

why my heart aches so much when i see her happy with chaeyeon.

i feel hurt, stabbed, and betrayed.

i feel...selfish.

as these thoughts eating me slowly, i start to shed some tears.

currently i’m alone at the dorm. i don’t know where eunbi is, but honestly i feel thankful she’s not here.

at the moment i just want to be alone, to forget reality. i see the moonlight outside the window, it feels like it’s my only friend.

i turn my head to face the ceiling, it’s dark and empty. i can’t see anything.

“ever since you left me, i changed so much..” i start to mumble to myself “i don’t know why, i don’t know why i changed so much. was it really because of you? or was it because of me?” i pause to sigh “you seem happy with the dance club’s leader, lee chaeyeon. i wonder...when did you two get so close? you and chaeyeon didn’t even know each other when i’m still dating you.”

i feel like a mess, i can feel my pillow start to get wet because of my tears.

“also, do you still think of me?” i chuckle bitterly at the thought “probably not, huh..” i pause again “you seem too happy with her to even look at another person’s eyes. chaeyeon is so lucky to have you, sakura..” i start to wipe the tears on my cheek slowly “i miss you so much and i feel like a fool, because i know you won’t ever feel the same way again. i feel so much regret now, i shouldn’t have let you go so easily, i should’ve hold you even tighter, i shouldn’t have walked away from you so quickly.”

i chuckle “i think i should go to sleep now,” i smile as i turn my head.

“goodnight, sakura.”

**Author's Note:**

> i was originally a kaesaku shipper but as the show went on, i turned to be a chaekura shipper as well. :’)


End file.
